“Just Once More”

Living so far away from my homeland for so long and having Alzheimer’s can sometimes make me feel very isolated and now as my life slowly ebbs away so my thoughts go ever homeward again!



“Just Once More” 


I had always been a travelling man, 
That wandered the world with a trade in my hands, 
To the distant realms and cultures of afar, 
Where golden sunsets gave birth to the nights stars,


Thence came the day when my journeys did end,
As my wandering mind found an unwanted friend, 
That led me astray from my chosen path,
Without hope of new life, just memories of what’s past,

 

Now my thoughts go wandering all on their own, 
Forever yearning the green, green grass of home, 
Just to stand once more upon the Britannic shores,
Where my childhood dreams first began their birth,

To hold my grandchildren of whom I’ve never seen, 
Listening to their laughter that resounds in my dreams, 
There eyes might shine and with shrills of delight,
When I tell them stories of my adventurous life,

But I know from within this will never be,
As the demon inside has a tighter hold of me, 
Now the more I struggle to get free of its bonds, 
So my homeland doth fade with the setting sun…


Barry ©

“Harsh Words”

Harsh words spoken can cut deeper than a sharp knife,

When loved ones tongues doth clash in verbal fight,

Thence the loves of life doth flee the nest,

With young child in arms even more perplexed,

Yet the bond of blood runs through our veins,

Which thanks to God can never be changed,

But now our hearts doth weep within mortal pain,

So with hands on heart we cry how much we regret,

And ‘tis never too late to say we “forgive and forget”

So pray open your mind and soften your own heart,

Since ‘tis never too late for past happiness too restart,

And forget not those who raised you through hardship times,

Who desperately want to rekindle their love within you,

So you return, to your bosom home, within harmonies love…

 

Barry/Gampa ©  

“Of my eyes”

When you look into my eyes, what can you truly see,
Do my eyes still tell you a story, of the way our life use to be,
Or are my eyes closed to what is the existent reality of now?
Can you see the anxious mind and bewilderment in my eyes?
And is there a stare in my eyes saying ‘Oh where am I now’
Have teardrops formed in my eyes as I’ve forgotten what I said,
Is there bafflement in my eyes as I’m not sure who you are?
Do my eyes look anxious as I gaze around in frantic panic?
Or are my eyes distant as memories rush in from our times long past,
But do my eyes still tell you what’s going through my brain?
Can’t you see from my eyes what’s really within my thoughts?
Or perhaps my eyes have forgotten to tell you the way I feel,
Look deep into my eyes now as tears of love roll down my cheeks,
For you are the passion of my eyes… I will always remember this,
Yes you are the passion of my eyes… within heavenly loving bliss… 

Barry ©

“A shroud of foreboding”

Slowly drifting then sinking deep into a mire,
Head engulfed in a density of gloomy cloud,
Such is the sensation within my body this day,
As foreboding surrounds, covering me in a shroud,

My limbs doth ache as though tree been hewn,
Every step I take becomes an unbalanced sway,
I search for words but it’s garbled with stammer,
As no verbal interaction has speech within tongue, 

My mind is smouldering as fused by bright light, 
Any sound turning into a thunderbolt unto ear and eye, 
As I lament for a solitude that I can no longer summon, 
Once a solace with concord from incessant dismay,

Now I yearn for slumber within a nights sweet pasture,
In clover swathe dreams of most picturesque delight,
Whence life transcends me in its spectacular beauty,
Without apparitions of the night, to veil my sight, 

‘Oh’ where are the days when life was unscathed,
Without clouds of doom descending on my mount,
And phantoms in a mantle of dissension around me, 
For such has been my night with a foreboding of fate...

“Unscathed”

I stand unyielding and passionate,  

By the shifting tides of my illness,

Of misinterpreted belief and stigma,     

But I arise unscathed,

By the burning fire within me,

To fight against other peoples censure of my illness,

Their waves may crash against me,

And storms may rage around me,

All of whom I once trusted as friends,

May abandon me, thus I could stand alone,

“Yet” still I hold firm in my own beliefs,

As my faith is a beacon in the darkness,

Of others scepticism...

 

Barry ©

 

 

 

Goddess Wife unto me

A transient glance ‘yet’ with a wistful felt kiss,
    Of that special moment that should never be missed,
Yet two hearts still beat as one, in our twilight’s mist,
    As the memory awakens to find your still there,
I embrace you tightly as though reborn on air,
    But how can I pick up the threads of what’s passed,
And how do you go on within your own troubled heart,
    How can we understand that there is no going back? 
For the armada of Alzheimer’s doth ever ravage and sack, 
    As mere mortals on this earth we are all but weak,
Now I lay trapped like a fly within the spider’s lair, 
    The web that was my brain turned to a thread-less maze,
Yet I will not be diminished by the armada of my mind,
    For within this world I had loved life to the full,
Though above all else, I still love thee most of all,
    So unto God I’ll say, your servant I shall forever be,
For gracing my life with a goddess wife unto me…

Barry © 

“The Recipe of life”

Our life on earth is like a recipe from God,

That should be formulated in just the same way,

To achieve the most wonderful perfection,

So we have equilibrium throughout our days,

 

A ton of impervious determination,

A hundredweight of passionate prayers,

A stone of worldly awareness,

A pound of unbounded love, 

An ounce of understanding,

A grain of wisdom in mind,

A gallon of constant embrace,

A pint of true human faith,

A fluid ounce of weeping tears,

A pinch of eager desire,

And just sprinkle of utter surprise,

 

Blend them all into your daily life,

With tenderness of the heart,

Taking care not to over agitate,

Or it will curdle right from the very start,

 

Thence let it develop with deep awareness,

So not to become scorched with flame,

Then appraise it with calmness of intuition,

To have a quality within the recipe of life…

 

Barry © 

Has life passed me by?

Have the blossoms of life now passed me by,
For greener grasses and brighter shores,
Where fields of bluebells majestically sway in the breeze,
Sending aromas like honey into the very air,
The trees laden with golden leaves glistening in the morning sun,
And slowly descending to the mossy ground,

I gaze up to a sky so blue as cushions of clouds aimlessly float by,
Awakening memories deep within,
Of every bud becoming a flower so fragrant and bright,
As every moment became a dream of life,
Each raindrop as of teardrops from the eyes,
Every breath I draw still so sweet to my heart,
The kiss of life like raptures music unto the ears,

I languish not for the way things where,
As the romances of life have not passed me by,
For I can still vision them all within my heart...

Barry 

“Don’t ask me questions”

Please don’t ask me questions,

And please don’t ask me why,

Neither ask me ‘what do you want’

Since you’ll only confound my mind,

Just be there to embrace me,

Within your ever loving arms,

With a kiss of passion, as in bygone times,

For I know my minds gone wondering,

Getting misplaced in its own intent,

Of all the memories of yesteryear,

Now shrouded within confusions lament,

So pray don’t curse or reproach me,

When I can’t remember what you said,

Just remember that I constantly need you,

To be eternally by my side,

Then whence the time comes,

And ‘tis time for me to depart,

Cast not a tear of mortal sorrow,

If my being by your side is past,  

So pray don’t ask me questions,

As only the good Lord understands why… 

 

Barry 

"Synonyms of Confusion"

As you read this place yourself in the shoes of a person that has dementia 


“Synonyms of Confusion”


Hypothetically
specking, this is all much
the same, but place yourself
within my daily mental disarray,


confusion, confusions, confusing a mind,
mystified, conundrums of dementia affray,
perplexity, perplexing, at my every thought,
bewildered in bewilderment, I wander astray,
puzzlement, as I can’t understand what you said,
uncertainty, now grips me as my confidence is gone,
baffled, as I can’t regulate or restrain anything that I do,
understanding, of my illness completely defies your days,
misunderstanding, what you said, so misconstruction prevails,
disorientated, unsettled, mixed-up, all at sea, now that’s truly me,
incomprehension, lack of understanding, blankness, at what to say,
disorder, turmoil, chaos, disarray, all explanations of Alzheimer’s disease,


Barry